My Little Hidden Blessings

So its been a week now and still no Aunt Flo... I guess its time to tell Jay that I'm late... but Dammit!... We just got into yet, another blow-up, WTF?!... He just told me last night he wants to go our separate ways... he loves me, but he's no longer in love with me (whatever that means...?). If I tell him now, it'll seem a bit odd... but oh, well.. It is what it is, I just hope he handles it like a man... I'll tell him when he gets home.

I've made dinner, gave Jay'son his bath, and I look at the clock... it's 7pm, Jay should be getting home soon... my mind keeps wondering to all the 'what ifs'... but I'm jumping to conclusions...I need to relax, I still need to test... But things are sooo tight right now, I can't even afford a home pregnancy test, "what in the world am I going to do?!"

Jay's home now, we sit down for dinner, I intend to tell him, but things are akward enough with everything that happened last night; I just can't find the words. After about an hour, we settle down for the night and we are watching TV and out of nowhere, I blurt out "I'm late"... I wasn't intending to just say it, but hey, I'm glad it's out there now... nothing, he's silent. "Jay, did you hear me?"... silently hoping he didn't, but at the same time hoping he did just so I didn't have to repeat it. "Yeah, I hear you... "... um, okay. After about 5 minutes he reaches over and hugs me, it feels forced, but I welcome it... "It's okay, we'll figure something out"... we'll... That's all I was hoping to hear... so I'm not completly alone in this after all...